


Second Chances

by NicePumpkinSpice



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-20 22:28:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6027718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicePumpkinSpice/pseuds/NicePumpkinSpice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a prompt, this work occurs well after the events of Dragon Age Inquisition.  It will explore the ramifications of Solas' uprising and whether love once lost can be found again.  </p><p>Prompt:  Cullen is invited to the royal palace for a visit with his old friends King Alistair and Queen Warden.  Little does Cullen know that they're actually setting him up on a blind date with the Inquisitor in an attempt to make him happy.  Canon pairings only.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ellana felt her stomach tighten as she approached Denerim’s city gates. Nervously she checked that her hood was still in place and hoped that the thick fur cloak she was wearing would disguise her slight elven form. It had never been easy being an elf in Thedas, but he had made it almost a capital crime. Her throat tightened at the thought of him, and the stump he had left her as a reminder of their time together began to ache. Slowing her horse from a brisk trot to a halt, Ellana tried to push him from her mind. That was the past. She would not make his mistake of living there. 

As her gloved left hand gingerly extended a letter of safe conduct to the city guard, Ellana felt a small tinge of pride. It had taken her years of experimentation and practice, but she had adapted the magic she had once used to wield a spirit blade into creating a phantom limb. The spells she used to maintain it had grown so automatic to her that she barely needed to think of them anymore. She appreciated the normality her spirit hand gave her. She was no longer _abelas’ asha_ the poor girl who had been so horribly wounded. She was whole - or at least as whole as one could be after what fate had given her to manage.

She had been pleasantly surprised when Varric showed up at her village deep within elven ruins in the Tirashan Forest. The dwarf was one of only two people she trusted with the means to locate her. He had proven himself capable of keeping secrets when he had protected Hawke so many years before. While she was elated to see Varric, the invitation he brought gave Ellana pause. King Alistair of Ferelden was requesting her presence at court.

Her initial reaction had been outright refusal. She owed nothing to the King and still resented that he had pushed for the Inquisition’s end seven years earlier. It wasn’t as if she had any desire to see his country again either. The landscape held too many bad memories. Somehow the dwarf had cajoled and coaxed her into agreeing. If she didn’t know it was impossible, she would have wondered if Varric was a blood mage. How else could he be so convincing? 

Denerim had changed since she was last there - mansions stood where the alienage had once been. Ellana had been dumbstruck when she first heard that the wealthy had flocked to what had been the poorest part of the city. Her gorge now rose at the thought. It was just another way the humans were trying to erase all signs that there had ever been elves throughout Thedas. In a few generations, she had little doubt they would succeed. _Not your battle,_ she advised herself as she approached the main entrance to the castle.

A grin spread across Ellana’s face as she saw Varric standing beside the guards effortlessly schmoozing them. His ability to strike up a conversation with anyone awed Ellana. Her cautious nature and innate shyness made small talk painful, but the dwarf never seemed out of his element as long as he could spin a tale or tell a joke. Ellana leaned forward and swung her right leg back as she dismounted her horse. Even though she tried to be careful, she still managed to land awkwardly and cursed under her breath. _Why did horses have to be so damned tall?_

“Gracie!” Varric nearly shouted as he held his arms open wide in greeting. “I see you’re as elegant as ever.”

Ellana growled a bit at Varric’s jest and pulled her hood back figuring her small stature would have given her race away already. Evidently it had not, as the guards gasped and then lunged at her with drawn swords. Ellana blinked, and the men were blown back several feet while a crackle of magic swirled around her. 

“Whoa now,” Varric said amicably as he extended a hand toward one of the guards. “I don’t know how things are done in Ferelden, but in Kirkwall, we greet our guests more cordially. She is here at the request of your King after all.”

“You expect us to believe King Alistair would invite a knife ear to his palace?” the second guard spat as he rose to his knees still gripping his sword.

Ellana watched him impassively. If she wanted, she could end him with little more than a thought, but she was tired of killing. She merely wanted to fulfill her promise to Varric and sate her curiosity about why the King had summoned her. Holding up her hands to show she meant no threat, she finally spoke, “I have the King’s invitation in my saddle bag. May I retrieve it?”

“Not a move, rabbit,” the first guard snarled. “Check her bags,” he ordered the other guard.

“This treatment really isn’t going to sit well with your King,” Varric warned, but Ellana turned and gave him a look to be quiet. He nodded and then got a crooked grin as the second guard’s face turned pale when he pulled out the fine vellum invitation embossed with both his King and Queen’s seal and signatures.

“My apologies, m’lady,” he said while executing a deep bow to Ellana. “Just following protocol,” he added as if it excused his behavior. Ellana merely handed him the reins to her horse.

“She’s prone to colic. Make sure your stable master mixes some embrium with her grain,” Ellana directed before setting off toward the castle.

“I always forget that you like giving people just enough rope to hang themselves, Gracie,” Varric said as he scrambled to keep up with Ellana’s quick pace.

“You say that as if it’s a bad thing,” Ellana teased. “I assume you got their names.”

“Of course,” Varric replied.

“I’ll make sure to make mention of their thoroughness in my thank you letter to the King. He should be aware of his guards’ dedication,” Ellana remarked wryly as she unbuttoned her cloak and handed it to the valet.

“Maker’s breath, you’re getting huge!” Varric exclaimed, and Ellana’s eyes shot daggers at him. “I mean… uh… you’ve really blossomed in the past month,” he corrected.

“You always did know how to make a girl feel special,” Ellana snipped as she self-consciously smoothed her tunic over her belly.

“That came out entirely wrong,” Varric apologized. “You look beautiful - radiant.”

“And I thought you prided yourself on being an accomplished liar,” Ellana joked. “It’s alright, Varric. It surprised me how much the baby has grown in the past few weeks as well.”

“I almost fell over when I first saw you last month. I didn’t even know you’d met someone - much less settled down to have children. So tell me about this guy,” Varric pressed.

“It isn’t like that, Varric. If our race is to survive, all elves that are able must have children. I won’t ask of my people what I’d be unwilling to do myself,” Ellana replied firmly.

“What does that even mean?” Varric quizzed.

Ellana sighed. She really didn’t want to have this conversation, but she knew Varric would be persistent in pursuing it. _Better to just get it over with…_ “The baby’s father is Elvhen. I am grateful that he was willing to help me conceive, but neither of us is under any illusion that there was love involved.” 

Varric looked saddened by her words, and Ellana became defensive. ”There are so few of us - especially mages - left. All Elvhen have magic. It made sense to seek them out.”

“It shouldn’t have ended this way,” Varric said under his breath.

“But it did,” Ellana said quietly. “Now, let’s think on other things … do you have any idea why the king asked me here?” she asked with forced brightness in her voice.

“Not a clue,” Varric answered. “I hadn’t heard from him in ages outside of the typical diplomatic crap.”

“You just _adore_ being Kirkwall’s viscount,” Ellana needled.

“Shittiest job ever. That’s why they gave it to me,” Varric laughed. “Anyway, I got a personal letter from Alistair a few months back asking me if I knew how to find you. I was suspicious at first, but he was insistent that he needed to see you. He's an honest man. I believe him when he says that he is trying to help. I know he's not always been terribly supportive of you..."

“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Ellana quipped bitterly. While Alistair hadn't called for the elven exile, he had done little more than issue toothless statements in opposition to their removal.

“Your room, Madam,” the chamberlain interrupted as he opened the door to a luxuriously appointed guest suite. “Dinner is at seven o’clock. The King and Queen would appreciate your joining them then. Dress is _formal,_ ” he added with a sneer as he stared at Ellana’s traveling clothes - intricately embossed halla leather pants and an embroidered linen tunic accented with a nugskin vest adorned with silverite buckles.

“Of course,” Ellana responded with a nod. “A wagon carrying my trunk should arrive soon. It took some time to find a willing porter. Fortunately, dwarves are sensible enough not to turn down good coin.”

“I should have thought of that, Gracie. I’m sorry,” Varric interjected.

“No worries, Varric. I managed,” Ellana soothed.

“You always do,” Varric said admiringly.

“And the Viscount’s room is across the hall,” the chamberlain announced with a bow.

“What no admonitions for me about what to wear? I’m disappointed. I always thought Fereldans were equal opportunity bigots,” Varric remarked pointedly. Ellana shook her head, and Varric harrumphed but curtailed the diatribe he had planned. Once the chamberlain had left, Varric chided, “You’re too gracious for your own good.”

“No, I’m merely tired,” Ellana answered truthfully. “Would you mind waking me in a hour?”

“You got it,” Varric answered and then asked slyly, “Did you have to ride far to get here?”

“Far enough,” Ellana replied with intentional vagueness. The elves had few eluvians connecting their remote enclave to the rest of Thedas, and their locations were closely guarded secrets. Ellana had told Varric how to reach the one hidden deep within Sundermount, but he had no need to know of the others. His appearance in her village had caused some to clamor for destroying the Sundermount eluvian. She understood their fears. Each remaining eluvian was a potential entrance for those that might wish them ill, but each remaining eluvian also represented the hope that they might one day return to their home. 

Once Ellana closed the door to her room, Varric rubbed his forehead and wondered whether he had done the right thing asking her to come. Deciding that was too much to ponder sober, he headed down the hallway to look for a drink as he thought about all that had transpired. After Solas’ failed attempt to remake the world two years before, all elves - even those like Ellana that had stood against him - had been told to leave the settled parts of Thedas under pain of death. To avoid a diaspora, Ellana had built an alliance with a group of ancient elves that lived deep within the Tirashan forest and had guided the remnant of modern elves that had survived Fen’harel’s uprising there. _Chuckles, you made Blondie’s mess look amateur,_ Varric thought cynically as he rounded a corner and ran straight into someone.

“Excuse me,” the man he hit apologized absentmindedly before saying, “Varric?"

“Curly! I never thought I’d run into you here. How have you been?” Varric asked as he shook Cullen’s hand and then pulled him into a quick but fierce hug.

“I’m doing well,” Cullen said with a smile that failed to reach his eyes. 

“I see,” Varric commented while squinting slightly. Curly was a shit liar. “What brings you here?”

“I’m not certain,” Cullen answered. “The King is very supportive of the templar retreat I run. I assumed his invitation had something to do with that, but if you’re here … perhaps it has something to do with Kirkwall?”

“It’s not just me that’s here,” Varric said hesitantly. “Ellana is too.”

“Ellana?” Cullen echoed while looking both hopeful and tormented. “I thought I’d never see her again. Is she … is she well?”

“She’s great, Curly. Clumsy and beautiful as ever,” Varric joked before turning serious. “Look, there’s something you should know.”

“Whispering and plotting already? I thought you’d wait at least a fortnight before you began planning the coup,” Alistair teased as he walked toward Cullen and Varric. “Tell me - which one of them put you up to it- Duncan or Eleanor? One’s barely out of diapers and the other’s yet on the breast, and they’re still trying to get me to abdicate. Or is it that I _want_ to abdicate - I can never remember…”

“Your Majesty,” Cullen said with a bow as Varric bobbed his head in greeting.

“Enough of the formalities, Cullen. I’ll be kicking your ass in a few minutes,” Alistair bragged as he shifted a practice sword from one hand to the next.

“You can try, Your Majesty,” Cullen smirked.

“I wasn’t expecting to see Curly,” Varric noted. “Anyone else from the old Inquisition here?”

“Just one, but I believe you already knew about that,” Alistair answered cryptically.

“Ellana,” Cullen said while folding his arms across his chest and looking peeved. “Varric told me.”

“Ah - so you know. Elissa was hoping to surprise you. Maybe indulge her tonight at dinner,” Alistair suggested. “She can get rather moody when her plans go amok.”

Varric’s eyes twinkled mischievously as he glanced between Cullen and Alistair. _So that’s what this was all about. Reuniting Curly and Gracie._


	2. Chapter 2

Once Alistair and Cullen had left for the training room, Varric ran a hand through his hair and winced. “Well, shit,” he hissed. It wasn’t that he didn’t support reuniting Cullen and Ellana. Cullen clearly still loved her, and although Ellana undoubtedly had her pick of elven men, she did not have a bondmate and was choosing to raise a child alone. Varric might have held out hope that things would turn out right for a change were it not for Ellana’s sole request before she had shared the eluvian’s location with him - that he never tell Cullen its whereabouts or bring her messages from him.

Even though he needed that drink more than ever, Varric turned on his heels and headed back to the guest rooms. The least he could do was give Gracie a heads up. He paused before knocking on her door and thought about how drawn and exhausted she had looked earlier. Heading across the hall to his room, Varric left his door open and oriented his chair to face Ellana’s suite. He’d let her rest awhile longer.

As evening approached, Varric stood and walked across the hall before knocking on Ellana’s door. When there was no response, he cracked it open to find the room empty. Seeing that Ellana had laid out a dress on the bed, Varric deduced that she had been awakened earlier by someone bringing her trunk. But where was she now? Varric fretted that it wouldn’t be safe for her to roam the castle alone then he laughed. The only person that would be in danger was the one that challenged Gracie. 

When she had finally convinced Solas to turn away from his deranged plan, he had transferred the majority of his power to her to avoid the temptation to return to his schemes. Ellana’s own innate talents coupled with Solas’ abilities and the knowledge she had gained from the Well of Sorrows made her as powerful as any elven god of legend. _Maybe that’s why things went sour with Curly. He’s never been fond of magic,_ Varric hypothesized but that thought didn’t ring true. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t been a deadly force in her own right when she led the Inquisition and that hadn’t kept Cullen from falling head over heels for her. Something else must have happened…

As Varric exited Ellana’s room, he nearly collided with Cullen for the second time that day. The former commander’s shirt was drenched in sweat and torn, but Cullen’s smug smile told Varric that he had bested the king when they sparred. _He’s in a good mood. Now’s my chance,_ Varric thought as he said, “Curly, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Later, Varric. I need to clean up before dinner,” Cullen cut him off before tilting his head quizzically. “Is that her room you just left? Is she there?”

“It is, but she’s away right now. Listen, Curly…” Varric began again.

“Then I’ve really got to go. The last thing I want is for her to see me like this,” Cullen remarked before breaking out in a jog toward the bathhouse.

“Shit!” Varric snarled as Cullen disappeared from view. He could have followed, but that would make him risk missing Ellana. Collapsing on to his chair, Varric cursed his predicament. _Andraste’s flaming ass! What have I gotten myself into?_

Ellana appeared a short while later, but she wasn’t alone. She was with Queen Elissa and two children he could only presume were the Prince and Princess. Ellana had the little boy on her hip and was making him belly laugh by tickling his stomach with a ratty looking stuffed griffin. The Queen was carrying the Princess in a sling about her chest. Given that there had been a civil war when the previous king had died childless, Ferelden had breathed a collective sigh of relief when Alistair and Elissa had finally been able to produce an heir three years earlier. The Princess’ arrival four months ago provided a “spare” and all but guaranteed that the Theirin line would remain on the throne. 

Few could guess how Elissa had managed to cure the taint that had once made Alistair and her Gray Wardens. Ellana’s sole commentary on what had likely been necessary had left Varric chilled. Most wardens operated with a shady morality guided by a singular determination to fight the Blight. It made sense that ending the curse that rendered them immune to the taint would require questionable ethical choices as well. Considerably more utilitarian than her idealistic husband, Elissa had sought out and created the cure alone. As a result, Ferelden’s line of succession was now secure. Varric doubted Alistair had any idea of what his Queen had done to make sure that was possible, but perhaps it was worth the cost to keep their country stable. 

Ellana was smiling brightly as she played with the young prince, and Varric couldn’t help but think the child in her arms could have just as easily been hers and Cullen’s rather than the Queen and King’s. Prince Duncan was Ferelden to the core - with his father’s blond hair and mother’s golden brown eyes. _I wonder if she sees it too,_ Varric mused before he tried to get Ellana’s attention. “Hey, Gracie, we need to talk,” he urged.

“Oh no you don’t. Ellana and I are enjoying ourselves. Whatever you want to bother her with will just have to wait,” Elissa declared forcefully. Varric started to protest but Elissa’s piercing glare shut him down. _She has to know that Gracie is expecting. Surely, she’s told her about Cullen,_ Varric reassured himself as he decided to reward himself with a drink after all. If the queen hadn’t, he didn’t want to face dinner later that night without a few ales on board.

********************  
Ellana’s hand trembled as she reached for the door to the dining room. It was well past seven, and she felt awkward for having kept everyone waiting. At least the dress she was wearing disguised her pregnant form well. Her ego couldn’t take any more commentary on her expanding girth, and Alistair often spoke without thinking. The Queen had been insistent that Ellana allow servants to fix her hair and apply her makeup. Ellana hoped they had been specifically instructed to make her fashionably late because they clearly hadn’t been concerned with her being prompt. She felt ridiculous with her eyes outlined in kohl and her hair down in loose curls, but the servants had insisted the look was the height of fashion.

She had no more opened the door than Prince Duncan squealed, “Lady Lana!” as he rushed toward her and then bowed. Ellana was so taken with the prince’s adorable (and obviously well rehearsed) welcome that she didn’t notice another had risen from his seat to greet her. As she looked up after taking the prince’s tiny hand, Ellana gasped when she saw Cullen. An uncomfortable silence passed before Cullen finally spoke. “It’s good to see you,” he said with such sincerity that Ellana noticed the others at the table glance away as if they were intruding.

“You too,” Ellana choked out as her eyes brimmed with tears.

“I hear Eleanor crying,” Alistair lied. “We should check on her. Varric, come see the nursery. Elissa had it entirely redone for Eleanor’s arrival.”

As the queen took her son’s hand to guide him out the door, he wailed in protest, “You said I’d get to eat with Lady Lana!”

“And you will. Just not right now,” Elissa replied in a tone that brooked no disagreement. The prince who shared his mother’s stubborn streak fell to the floor dramatically and refused to budge. 

Ellana kneeled down beside him and said, “You and I will have dessert together tomorrow. I promise.”

“Chocolate cake and strawberries?” the prince bargained.

Ellana looked helplessly at Elissa who said she was sure the cooks could manage that. “Chocolate cake and strawberries,” Ellana repeated. “It’s a date, my prince.”

Young Duncan got up off the floor and bowed deeply before kissing Ellana’s hand leaving a crumb and jam imprint behind. Ellana stifled a giggle at his juvenile attempt at chivalry and curtsied her farewell.

“Careful, Cullen, it looks like my son has taken a fancy to her,” Alistair advised as he clapped the former commander on the shoulder before striding out of the room.

“It appears we’ve been set up,” Ellana remarked once everyone else had left the room. 

“I’m rather grateful for the deception,” Cullen answered with the cocky smirk that still made Ellana’s heart flutter.

He quickly closed the distance between them until he was near enough to touch. She could smell the soap he used for bathing and the polish on his boots. His hair had begun to gray at the temples which only made him more handsome. If she could still believe in the gods, she would have called out for their help in that moment. How could the world be so kind and cruel at once?

His brown eyes held hers for a moment before traveling down her neck. “You still wear the coin I gave you,” he observed, and any hope Ellana had of appearing indifferent to him faded. She decided to be honest.

“I could never take it off,” she admitted as her eyes searched his for some clue as to what he was thinking. She could barely breathe when his warm and calloused hand reached out and touched her cheek. She wanted to give in - live the fairy tale for a moment before reality crashed down around them, but she didn’t know if she could bear his rejection later if she did. She took a small step back and put her hand low on her belly pulling the fabric taut around its roundness.

She saw several emotions pass over his face before he put on a calm facade. “I apologize. I had no idea,” he said tersely, and Ellana felt any hope she had of their reconciling fade. His next words, however, broke her heart. “Is he good to you?” he asked with such obvious concern for her happiness that she almost couldn’t stand to tell him the truth.

“He’s nothing to me. He stayed only long enough to make sure his seed had taken and then he returned to his slumber,” Ellana replied.

“His slumber? So the father is Elvhen? Please tell me it wasn’t…” Cullen broke off his sentence and grabbed at the back of his neck.

“Solas? Gods no!” Ellana nearly shouted absolutely repulsed by the suggestion. The elven mage had once been like a father to her. She could never imagine being intimate with him.

“Thank the Maker for small favors,” Cullen joked weakly. “So you’ll raise the child by yourself - alone?” he questioned as his brow knitted with worry.

“The elders will help me and the others,” Ellana reassured while putting her hand briefly on Cullen’s chest.

“The others?” 

“The war took a disproportionate share of our young men, so even pairings are impossible. Some of the Elvhen agreed to help us increase our numbers, but they were understandably disinclined to help rear the children,” Ellana explained with almost clinical detachment.

Seeing that her words had left Cullen unsatisfied, Ellana continued, “With the Veil still in place, the Elvhen can only extend their lives by slumbering. The waking world causes them to age just like us, but when they dream their connection to the Old Songs is strong enough to sustain them.”

“So they woke up for sex and then just went back to sleep?” Cullen asked dumbfounded.

“Pretty much,” Ellana shrugged. 

“How could you let yourself be used like that?” he queried with barely concealed rage.

“You could argue that we used them just as much as they used us,” Ellana countered.

“Surely you could have had your pick amongst the modern elves. You wouldn’t have had to do this all on your own,” Cullen asserted.

“Possibly, but I preferred things this way,” Ellana huffed as she raised her chin defiantly. Cullen had no right to judge her choices - especially when he was in some way responsible for them. She refused to bind herself to another man when she knew she hadn’t stopped loving him.

“I’m sorry. That was out of line. I’m just concerned for you,” Cullen apologized.

“Thank you. It will be alright,” Ellana said to reassure herself as much as Cullen. “I’m looking forward to the baby’s arrival. I’ve always wanted children.”

Cullen folded his arms and appeared aggravated. “That isn’t how I remember it.”

Ellana’s breath hitched and her eyes fell to the floor. He wasn’t entirely wrong. When the Inquisition ended, Cullen had wanted to start a family, but she had been so focused on stopping Solas that she had refused to even consider the idea. That was the first of several cracks in their relationship that eventually caused its collapse. 

“It wasn’t that I didn’t want children with you. We simply had too much at stake then,” Ellana argued as all of the old frustrations flooded her mind. His wanting children, his inability to understand what being an elf meant, his leaving books and papers everywhere, his dog’s awful gas, his obsessive dedication to work… Ellana inhaled sharply and closed her eyes as she reminded herself that there was no need to dredge up those ancient aches. He'd made his choice two years ago when he didn't come with her when she was forced to leave. Nothing had changed since then. That was, of course, part of their problem. She’d assumed her feelings for him would wane with time and distance, but they hadn’t. If his eyes were to be believed, the same could be said for him.

“How did we get here?” she asked sadly not really expecting an answer.

“I came by horse,” Cullen teased before turning earnest. "I don’t know, Ellana, but I do know that not a day goes by that I don’t miss you. I suppose Alistair got tired of seeing me pining. You can’t imagine the women he’s tried to set me up with. I must be a pet project of some sort as if running a nation isn’t enough to entertain him.”

“He’s grateful for your help,” Ellana pointed out. She was one of the few people that knew Alistair had overcome his own lyrium addiction with Cullen’s support. Watching a king convulse in your guest bedroom wasn’t something easily forgotten after all.

“Excuse me. Will you be taking dinner?” a servant interrupted nervously.

“I’m not terribly hungry,” Ellana ventured.

“Let’s go outside. I know how you hate being trapped inside stone walls,” Cullen suggested as he offered her his arm. Ellana nodded gratefully. Maybe some fresh air would clear her mind. It was hard to think straight with Cullen so close.

They walked arm in arm in silence through the castle and out into the courtyard. The moons were half full, so even though the sun had set there was plenty of light to illuminate the gravel paths in the garden. When they reached a bench, Cullen gestured to it as if to ask if she preferred to sit. Ellana wasn’t sure what she wanted other than to be as near to Cullen as possible and struggled to make up her mind. 

Misinterpreting her hesitance to reply, Cullen said, “I’m not going to try to seduce you, Ellana.”

“Even if I wanted you to?” she asked then bit her lip at her uncharacteristic forwardness.

Cullen seemed initially taken aback by her words but was then emboldened. His arms went about her waist, and Ellana felt like she was about to die from happiness when his lips pressed against hers. Nothing had changed - the feel of him holding her, the insistent way that he kissed her, the way her heart pounded in her chest. Then the baby kicked her hard, and Ellana snapped back to reality.

“I can’t do this,” she protested as she let go of Cullen.

“Why not, Lana?” Cullen pressed using the diminutive of her name that he typically reserved for their most private moments.

“Because if I let myself believe this is possible…” she tried to continue but was instead overtaken by racking sobs.

Cullen put his arms around her and pulled her close to his chest. “It _is_ possible, Lana. We’ll make it work,” he whispered while rubbing his hands along her back.

Ellana shook her head. He didn’t know what he was promising. “You’d give up your work with the templars? Live in a wilderness - the only human amongst thousands of elves?”

“Yes, if that what it takes,” Cullen vowed while gripping her shoulders and staring deeply into her eyes.

She again shook her head. “You’d raise another man’s child?”

“Of course, I would,” Cullen replied with obvious hurt that she would doubt his willingness to do so.

“And when this child was weaned, would you let someone else take your place in our bed, so I could conceive another?” Ellana pressed. 

Cullen released his grip on Ellana’s shoulders before sitting down on the bench and cradling his head in his hands. Ellana let out a shuddering breath and turned to leave. She hated herself for what she had said but felt it had to be said. The leader of the remaining elves couldn’t take a shemlen lover while espousing that her people needed to pursue every available avenue for rebuilding their numbers. 

“Don’t go. Not yet,” Cullen pleaded, and against her better judgment, Ellana remained. She sat down beside him and stared at the ground while admonishing herself that she would regret not walking away while she still had the strength to do so. He took her hand and brought it to his lips before whispering, “Thank you.”

She swallowed hard and then worked up the courage to look into his eyes. Almost immediately she regretted that choice. They were still warm and full of love. It would be easier if he hated her. She could handle that. But love? What was she supposed to do with that?

“You aren’t making this easy, you know,” she complained.

“Am I supposed to?” Cullen asked while arching an eyebrow.

“Yes. No. I don’t know,” Ellana huffed in exasperation. 

“Are your people asking these things of you, or are you demanding them from yourself?” Cullen queried.

“I won’t be a hypocrite, Cullen,” Ellana retorted.

“Evading the question, but I think I have my answer,” Cullen smirked. “Out of curiosity, though, have you _forced_ anyone to carry or father a child?”

“Of course not,” Ellana harrumphed.

“And if a couple tried to conceive but were unable, would you require them to find new partners?” Cullen quizzed.

“Now you’re just being ridiculous,” Ellana growled.

“Then it seems to me that you’re holding yourself to a different standard than everyone else. Why should you have to take a different lover just because we can’t have an elven child?” Cullen asked pointedly.

“Ugh! You’re doing that thing you used to always do at the war table,” Ellana screeched. 

“What thing is that, Lana? I only recall you getting this aggravated when I pointed out a mistaken assumption,” Cullen gloated while nudging her with his shoulder.

“You’re insufferable. Do you know that?” Ellana hissed.

“I’m sure someone has said that before. In fact, I’m fairly certain it was you,” Cullen replied with a crooked grin.

“People will talk,” Ellana protested.

“They always do,” Cullen shrugged.

“There will be complaints. Calls for me to step down,” Ellana persisted.

“Of course, but I’d wager you already get plenty of those. You are leading a bunch of elves after all,” Cullen said with a wink.

Ellana crinkled her nose and snarled a little. She hated it when he was right. 

“It won’t be easy,” she hedged.

“As if anything we have ever done has been,” Cullen threw back.

Ellana had no more arguments against their being together - not that she wanted to have more. She looked up at the stars and reflexively said a prayer before leaning her head against Cullen’s shoulder and surrendering completely. “I won’t let you go this time,” she breathed.

“I wouldn’t want you to,” he whispered.


End file.
